Everything Bagel: Asshole of the Bakery October 17, 2013 tags:blogging,comedy,food,funny,humor,life,Pop Culture,rude carbs,satire,scone bullying Yeah, that’s me. Asshole of the bakery. The Antonin Scalia of bread and pastry. The Donald Trump of this flour-dusted, godforsaken shithole. Yo...
After the water towers seized control of the banks, the city government and the bagel shops in that order (according to the radio which might have been controlled by the water towers), after we huddled in the Starbucks for 72 hours, living off soymilk and increasingly stale lemon poppy seed...
Normally my bagel Friday is rather uneventful. I head to the Panera Bakery-Cafe near my house, and grab a coffee with a whole-grain bagel, toasted, topped with Reduced-Fat Blueberry Cream Cheese. I find a quiet table and relax for a few moments, eating and checking my email. But today...
Consider the untold story in the soggy French fries curled on the bottom of my CRV, in the struggle of trying to get to my dry cleaner before it closes, in bagel dust between my keyboard letters. That’s real stuff. Bonus: I don’t have to do anything difficult to write it. I just...
It also occurred to me that it had not had anything to eat or drink since it flew out of the fireplace. Because I was not anticipating its visit, I didn’t have any appropriate provisions on hand: birdseed, bagel or pizza. Therefore, I was forced to improvise. I poured pellets of ...
And after the $100 we spent every day on breakfast in Hawaii for the four of us, when my children only ate a half of a bagel and a small carton of milk, we wanted to forget about the stress of “how much is this meal/snack/coffee/drink gonna cost?” Really, we just wanted to ...