Vote up the best, most funny fortune cookies; vote down the ones that are generally unremarkable. Fortune cookies are always a gamble. It's like what Forrest Gump said about that box of chocolates, fortune cookies are basically life. So when people are opening a fortune cookie, they're bas...
Our whole family is really worried about my grandfather's Viagra addiction, and grandma is taking it particularly hard. Today a fortune cookie told me that every exit is an entrance but the short story is, my girlfriend said no. He called i...
79.Fortune cookie message.Have a local bakery make fortune cookies and provide them with little strips of paper bearing messages of your news. On take-out night, pass the cookies around to your loved ones. 80.Children’s book giving.Invite your family over and present each family member w...
Wiz: Even if he didn’t, Love Train more than likely wouldn’t be able to do any lasting damage to Armstrong either since, as previously mentioned, the nanomachines would just heal any damage done to his body. Boomstick: While those advantages are pretty hefty, what Valentine had on the ...
“Are you saying the Anti-Defamation League doesn’t know what they’re talking about and all these journalists and researchers” too?” Eschoo asked, referring to reports that YouTube recommends harmful content. “That’s why I’m asking you if you’re willing to overhaul YouTube’s cor...
Jack Daniel's. Yes, that is a wild man drink. That should come with bail money, you know what I'm saying? Because on Jack, you don't know where you're going to end up, but you know when you get there, you won't be wearing any pants. —Dave Attell ...
are Salah and De Bruyne, both with 13 points, but I don’t need to go on about them – they’re the best two players in the league by a street, and you should really own at least one of them (although De Bruyne is over-priced on a pound per point basis y’know. Just saying...
“charming.” It became the Charmin Paper Co. and was acquired by Procter & Gamble in 1957. In 1964, the brand introduced the advertising character of Mr. Whipple, who would admonish store customers by saying: “Please don’t squeeze the Charmin.” The commercials ran for more than two ...
There's always somebody saying "BEST SHOW EVAR!!11" for every single show displayed here. But honestly, having seen a lot of shows, I can definitely confirm this one earned its crown as "the best sitcom ever". I didn't understand most jokes as a teen, but I'm 27 now, and thank...
I swear to God this is what he said. “Say it with your chest, little-ass n i g g a!” I didn’t know what to say. My brother grabbed me. He was like, “chill. He’s been saying this all day. We don’t know what it means. Wait till we figure it out.” Here’s the...