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I was riding with my parents to my twelfth birthday party at Chucky Cheese. I was strapped into my car seat. My overprotective parents thought I was too small for a seatbelt. They believed I would fly through the windshield if we had an accident. My car seat didn’t bounce, rock, or ...
3. Entries need 3 predictions and 1 wildcard trade prediction (anything goes on the wildcard). 4. Extra predictions may be submitted and will be judged as extra credit. This will not detract from the main predictions and may or may not be judged at all. 5. Extra predictions will be lo...
Anyway, as you got older the squirrels’ heads and your sister’s head got mixed up in your mind. You started decapitating women and mounting their heads on boards. Tonight, you were shit out of luck. Your trunk prisoner was able to get ahold of her switchblade and cut her bonds and t...
I’m not saying nutrition (and exercise) do not matter, but of course their longevity is most likely because they won the gene pool lotto and not because of whatever quirky dietary habit they had. “Virtually all nutrition studies are pretty meaningless”. This comment always cracks me up. ...
I’m so proud of you. I feel like a million dollars, like I won the LOTTO, or the Indy 500, or I found a wallet on the sidewalk loaded with cash, or I got a hole in one, or I got a ringer in horse shoes, or I shot you in the head with this pistol. ...
He cooked, did the laundry, cleaned the house and bought a lotto ticket every Friday, hoping he would win so Pinocchio could go to college. Piccolo was a cripple. It was hereditary in his family due to hundreds of years of inbreeding. Piccolo, his father, and his uncles were born in ...
There was a pocket on the side where I keep my lotto tickets, cigarettes, cocaine, and newspapers. The big newspaper headline this morning was “Trump Can’t Stop Saying “Mallard Duck.” Last week it was “Gooey Mittens. “Mallard Duck” seems to be an improvement. The thing is, no...
There was a pocket on the side where I keep my lotto tickets, cigarettes, cocaine, and newspapers. The big newspaper headline this morning was “Trump Can’t Stop Saying “Mallard Duck.” Last week it was “Gooey Mittens. “Mallard Duck” seems to be an improvement. The thing is, no...
He makes my bankruptcy look like I won the Mega Millions lotto. He whines. He has no ass—he looks like his ass was transplanted to his stomach which sticks like an ant hill with a belly button. His favorite saying is “Whatever man.” How’s that for somebody going nowhere? He ...